You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
