i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
your like the ambassador to my penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
