She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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