I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
