Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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