and you said cock pushups were impossible
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
