these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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