I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
