Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
