i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
