Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
