i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
