Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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