She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
