this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
