Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
