I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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