I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I did not marry a roomba.
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