Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My breasts were aching with rage.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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