Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
