chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
honey bunches of taint.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
