Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish you could order shots online.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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