shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
