so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
