Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
