Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
