I just pynch a tree in the face
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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