why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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