If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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