Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
