So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
