Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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