That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she told me i tasted like america
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
