My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Small penises have feelings too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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