3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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