bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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