Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
