FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
