the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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