It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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