New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
