Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
