and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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