Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
