highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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