Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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