Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
