she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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