where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
