I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
